Vaginas Are Magic

They just are.

Sure, there’s still a wage gap, and yes, boys still tell us what to do with them, but vaginas rank right up there with money and privilege on the list of shit that controls the country.

Don’t believe me? Walk into any bar, in any shitty little town, in any state across the country, and look around. Every, yes, EVERY woman in the building is fully capable of getting nailed before the end of the evening. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. It may not be her forever cock and she may need to hit up that biker bar on the outskirts of town, but if a vagina is looking for a short term tenant, it will find one.


And no, it doesn’t matter what the rest of her looks like. Or how smart she is. Or if she has a decent sense of humor or even owns a personality. None of that matters because in that same shitty little bar in Everytown, USA there’s at least one cock who hasn’t taken up residence inside anything but a Fleshlight since the Bush administration. He may not tell his friends or even take her anywhere beyond the back seat of his Buick, but he’s going to pound town, guaranteed.

Conversely, even the most beautiful specimen of male anatomy will remain homeless unless at least one, usually two, of the above referenced character traits are confirmed. Even then, it will usually only result in a phone number. Once received, he’ll be required to pass an additional series of qualifying exams before picking up the keys to the penthouse suite.

As a reformed hoe, I’ve had my fair share of cheap, meaningless sex. Not once, not one fucking time have I spent a dime on cock. Not only have I never paid for a penis, but I can get free shit just because I don’t have one.

Any man who says he’s never paid for sex isn’t paying attention. Of course he has, they all have. Every meal, every glass of wine, the obligatory pre-date flowers; they’re all just entrance fees in exchange for a tour of our love shack.

Brains are magic. Can you imagine what we could do if we used them too? We are in control of one of the hottest commodities on the planet and we’re wasting it. We’re using it for free Sizzler and drugstore daisies, when we could be changing the world. If we gathered and united the power of our vaginas we wouldn’t have a wage gap or at the very least, we would be closer to closing it. Of course, that would mean we’d be treated as equals and probably have to buy our own food, but it seems to be working out for all the cocks who are currently in charge of my reproductive health. I’m willing to risk it.

6 Replies to “Vaginas Are Magic”

  1. If a woman uses her vag to gain self esteem she is in for some trouble down the line I guess.
    Interesting, and sadly true. Cock will never command the same wage as vag!


    1. HOWEVER, cock has a tendency to gain momentum after 40-ish which is coincidentally around the same time the whole self esteem thing derails. The cycle repeats itself with cock in the drivers seat. Be patient, Gentleman.


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