For Real This Time

As the graphic would suggest, it seems the saga has finally come to an end. I have learned more than I could have ever predicted and I am grateful for the lessons this window of time has provided. 

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would have allowed anyone to restrain my body, restrict my senses, inflict a fair amount of pain, and live to talk about it. The experience was freeing and surreal. Records were set that will stand for future generations. 

Learned- Don’t be afraid to try new things.

When I first met Sleeves, I believed him to be one of the most arrogant, self-involved, humans I had ever encountered. To combat his superiority complex, I immediately searched for weaknesses in order to avoid feeling inadequate. I made judgements. Lots of judgements. I made assumptions and I made him cry. I was wrong. 

Learned- Don’t be so motherfucking judgy. 

The understanding that this was in no way a relationship was clear from the start. We were not dating, seeing each other, he was not my boyfriend and vice versa. We were slated to simply get drunk and fuck every once in a while. There were to be no feelings or even whispers of feelings, and if there were, it would end immediately. 

Learned- There will always be feelings.

As a reformed hoe, I was a champion for the anti-band-aid movement. Rarely, did I pass up an opportunity to chastise C for her inability to be alone for five minutes and just deal with the pain instead of plastering a band-aid on her vagina. The unfortunate reality is that Sleeves made losing Three bearable. 

Learned- We all need a little first aid once in a while.

I am a runner. I recognize the beginning of the end and I try and get it over with as quickly as possible. I cannot handle the torment of waiting for the inevitable. I am also oftentimes, a self fulfilling prophecy. This time, I did not run. 

Learned- Some things weren’t made to last forever; be present and enjoy the moment. 

I am the epitome of an over thinker. I take nothing at face value. I will dive deep inside both my skull and your psyche without warning. I have spent hours on end dissecting tone and body language and patterns. I have combined his childhood with ex-wives and current situation and countless other ancillary items to create a behavioral algorithm which is absolutely fucking useless. Sleeves is as far from an over thinker as I am from easygoing. While my analysis may be spot on, he doesn’t care. When he says something, he means it and on the off chance he doesn’t, he doesn’t care to change his mind. 

Learned- Some people don’t need the why and they get really fucking annoyed with those of us who do. 

We always talked about him. I can create a timeline of his life; jobs, wives, girlfriends, places he’s lived, his family structure, his children’s lives, his present job, his challenges in that job. I know when he poops for Christ’s sake. He knows what I’ve offered or what I’ve written, but beyond that, I am a mystery. 

Learned- If they don’t ask questions, they don’t like you as much as you think they do.

“The sex is pretty fucking good, but to believe I could overlook the inevitable therapy required to recover from an actual relationship with him is just absurd.”


I knew it and did it anyway. 

Learned- Even smart girls make dumb choices when it comes to boys. 

As I sat pondering the real reason why he decided we should “just be friends”, it dawned on me. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter why or who or what he’s really doing or thinking. He intentionally formed those words with his own mouth and made no effort to retract them. 

Learned- Take your own advice and move the fuck on. 

Through grand gestures of uncertainty and confusion, Sleeves has cemented his place as one of the most mentally exhausting cocks to have ever graced my vagina. Even so, 10/10 would do again. 

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