For The Record

Q: How long does it take an emotionally damaged daughter of a crazy person to change a light bulb?

A: Forever. She’d rather sit in darkness trying to fix the broken bulb while yelling at it for being broken.

Apparently, when you publish your innermost filth to the worldwide web, you leave your words open to interpretation. Someone probably should’ve told me before writing that piece on bondage, I’d have been so much more descriptive. It should be pretty clear at this point that I do not give one single fuck if you disagree with how I choose to do the dirty. I do, however, care deeply about other people, especially those I’ve seen naked or who have cooked me food. It has come to my attention that my writing has created confusion regarding my opinion of a certain tatted up ginger boy and I would like to clear the air once and for all.

I do not hate Sleeves. I want absolutely nothing but the best for him. I am snarky and frankly he’s given me more material than I could use in a lifetime of blogging, but I would never in a thousand years want to hurt him or discredit the lessons I’ve learned from having known him. Beyond developing a passion for pretty knots, the last seven months have taught me more about why I do what I do than the previous decade combined. Simply put, he unknowingly forced me to examine his brain and in doing so, I realized that I’ve been lazy with regard to mine. I thought I had it all figured out and I was wrong.

In honor of our time together and my final post on the subject, have included a few pearls of wisdom below.

1) If I lick it, it’s mine.

I am not a good sharer of cock. I’m just not. I gave it the old college try, but I am not cut out for community property penis. It’s just not my deal. If after seven months of banging and sharing real life shit, you’re still actively seeking other vaginas, I’m off. Props to the hoes who can handle the imagery. You are the true heros!

2) We all say shit we don’t mean when we’re drunk.

Don’t start feeling shit just because he or she says they love you after a gallon of whisky. People have fallen in ‘love’ with Nickleback and Taco Bell after that much booze. Pay attention to sober actions versus drunk words and don’t crucify them for being real in the morning. You’d rather know the truth. Trust me.

3) I cannot recover from a lie.

I will try. I will try really fucking hard, but I will always doubt and we will never be the same. Do not believe me if I say we’re starting over with a clean slate. I am lying to you as well as to myself. I want to try because I want you, but eventually you’ll grow tired of the constant questioning and I’ll grow tired of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

4) People need a place they can go in their mind.

I notice EVERYTHING. This does not mean I am entitled to call people out every time their breathing changes or their face does that ticking thing. It’s okay to know and not tell.

5) It’s me.

All men are not the same. It isn’t just a string of bad luck or an unfortunate coincidence. I am unconsciously looking for broken light bulbs. I find them and then, with the finesse of a Brahma wandering through the Waterford showroom, I demand to fix them. They don’t want to be fixed, they want to be accepted for who they are. Fix yourself instead.

6) Sometimes sex is just sex. 

I’ve had some of the best sex of my entire life during our time together. From super kinky to slow and quiet and everything in between. His is the cock by which all other cocks will be measured and don’t even get me started on his mouth. It would be unwise to leave me alone with him. That said, it was still just sex. Do not confuse sex with feelings especially when there’s whisky involved.

7) If he’s using his words, listen. 

I over complicate just about everything. It’s easier to try and decipher or find an alternate meaning than to listen to words that I don’t want to hear. If he says he just wants to be friends, it means he just wants to be friends. If behavior is inconsistent, ask for clarification. Do not assume. If he really is one of those guys who can’t effectively communicate what he wants or he’s playing some sort of game, do you really want him in your life? No. The answer is no. So take their words at face value and stop wasting time trying to understand something that’s already been explained.

Finally, it would be wise to consider your audience when publishing the details surrounding your personal life on a platform such as this. Feelings have been hurt and friendships strained which was never my intention. I will, however, continue to be honest in my assessment and write whatever the fuck I want. If clarification is necessary, just use your words.

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